Humor Sentiments

Great! You have another accomplishment! Hurry up and tell my mom so she can compare us some more!


I was totally focused on your birthday, but then I saw something shiny and heard a car horn and suddenly it was three days later.


I’m pretty sure that hard work kills people all the time.


I’ve got a martini shaker and I’m not afraid to use it.


I believe it was Plato who said, “Friendship is a shared vision.”  And then Socrates was like “that’s awesome.” and then Plato was all “I know, right?” And then they high-fived and did a total chest bump thug hug.


You are the yin to my whatever the other part is called. Yeah…You’re that.


Famous Last Words on Valentine’s Day: “It’s Valentine’s Day?”


I don’t have a 5-year plan per se, but I do have a very clear 5 p.m. plan.


Don’t you hate it when people use dangling participles of?


(Those 100-calorie packs are a real treat!) x 5 = reality


I’m a “glass is half-full, so let’s flag down the bar tender now” kind of guy.


My father always used to say “money something grumble don’t!”

I still think of that to this very day.

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