I’m not saying that supermodels ruined everything for everyone, but they kind of did, so I guess I kind of am.

It’s never too late!  Unless it’s 10:30 on a weeknight, because then it’s too late.  Let’s party on the nearest weekend night to your birthday.

Hey, it’s a good thing brain cells grow back, am I right?

If your newborn baby starts acting up, then try reasoning with it in a calm voice, using a simple set of logical arguments.  That’d be funny.

I believe that children are the future.  I wish people would control their screaming, bratty future.

What’s that hyperactivity disorder? Because I think I have the opposite of that.

Hey, all you old high school jocks! Where are you now?! Oh look, you’re right there on facebook looking so fit and prosperous. Good for you.