I was watching some children play in a park the other day, and I was reminded of what life can be like when everyone is selfish and mean.

I almost got us tickets to a pan flute concert for your birthday, but then I realized that after three hours and eighty dollars, irony isn’t funny anymore.

The French have a saying about the quiet nobility of aging, and the beauty of life as it progresses over time.  The French think they know everything.

In my perfect world, there are blooming flowers, blue skies, clean air, laughing children, and everybody has to shut up and do what I say.

Add the word ‘beer’ or ’strip’, and no game is boring.

Every time the credit-card reader takes an extra few seconds to approve me, I wonder if my past has finally caught up with me.

I would totally throw myself on a bee for you.

I never respected balloon animal makers until the day I asked for a 3-toed sloth, and I’ll be damned, but the crazy, magnificent son of a bitch pulled it off.

I know all about survival. I once got a scout badge for making one of those cross stick yarn design thingies.  So let me know whatever I can do to help you. I am, as they say, prepared.

You’re my best friend because you taught me how to judge someone I hardly know from really far away.  Maybe I taught you.  Maybe we taught each other, my friend…  Maybe we taught each other.

I think it’s cute that my grandma gives me enough money on my birthday to go to a movie in 1948.