Licensed Character Writing

(All writing and visuals on this page are the property of the licensor.)

Below are examples of some of the licensed characters I’ve written voice pieces for that appeared on greeting cards, gift products, websites and brand marketing.

  • The Simpsons, The New Girl, Mike And Molly, Modern Family, 2 Broke Girls, Big Bang Theory, 30 Rock, The Office, Family Guy, Duck Dynasty, Jake And The Neverland Pirates, Phinneas and Ferb, The Sopranos, Star Wars, Lord Of The Rings, many Disney characters, Warner Brothers Characters and many other television shows and films.

  • While at Hallmark, I wrote some of the first ever original dialogue approved by Lucas Arts for the voice of Darth Vader, rather than repurposing preexisting film quotes.

  • I wrote original jokes for sound cards voiced by Chris Rock, and for cards and gift product for Starbuck’s Coffee and Harley Davidson Motorcycles.

The Office(inside)
I did NOT just use reverse psychology on you.

Krusty Cropped



hope nothing ruins it,
like rehab, or mob debt,
or that movie you made
that one time you needed
the money.







“If I listened to my brain
every time it told me to do things,
I wouldn’t be the man I am today.”









 “Does anyone in the crowd
know anything about
hostage negotiations
or explosives or firearms
or whatever else might be
going on in there?”





“This card is good for
one free beer at Moe’s.”


Offer good
over my dead body.




(inside audio playback)
“Num chuck skills, bow hunting skills,
girls only like guys who have skills.”


(Disney)Screen shot Prince Charming

(Snow White)

(Sleeping Beauty)

“Five more minutes, honey.” “Five more minutes, honey.”

(Snow White)

“I may as well just lick this train and stick it right on my thighs.”

“I may as well just lick this train and stick it right on my thighs.”


(Phinneas And Ferb) We're_gonna_build_a_rollercoaster

“I know what we’re going to do today!
All we need is a sheet cake the size of a football field
and a candle that’s a life-sized replica of
the Washington Monument.”

Screen shot 2014-01-21 at 4.18.09 PM

“Oh my gosh! I’m going to get Jeremy the biggest
Valentine chocolate heart in the world and then
he’ll want to share it with me and it will be the
most romantic thing in the world Oh My Gosh!”



Chris Rock

Because the rest of the year, he’s on his own.
(plus audio playback)

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