News Headlines

  • The Chinese moon rover has begun exploring the lunar surface, and is learning that everything everybody already knows about the moon is, in fact, true.
  • Former heavyweight boxing champion Evander Holyfield is has joined a group to help try to solve the social turmoil is Syria. When asked what he would be able to bring to the table on the Syria problem, Holyfield said, “hopefully they need boxing.”
  • French President Francois Hollande has announced that he will not attend the upcoming Olympic games in Russia, shortly after Germany’s president Joacaim Gouck announced he would not attend, in protest of Russia’s record of human rights abuses. So that’s 2 fewer seat fans in the stadium, which should fix all human rights problems in Russia.
  • Spanish pro golfer Sergio Garcia has won the Thailand golf championship. He says he owes his victory to his girlfriend, because those Spanish really know what to say to a girl.
  • A new report is listing the 10 best places to spend Christmas. It differs for each person because you enter some information and it tells you the 10 places where your mother-in-law is least likely to be.