All the young girls out there who think that being young is better, obviously don’t know about the random sweating, which is really fun.

You know, no one would mess with you if they knew how unstable I am.

I may not have all the answers you need right now. But I can yell “What an a-hole!” a bunch of times really loud.  And that just might help a little.

Stress is a process that comes in stages: anger, disappointment, yelling, drinking alcohol, eating chocolate, drinking more alcohol, yelling more…  And I’ll be right there with you through every step of the way.

Congratulations, graduate.  Now please hurry up and fix the world right now.

Is there an emotion called ‘smoochy’?  Because I’m feeling something right now and I’m pretty sure it’s smoochy.

Someday in the future… I don’t know when… you and I will go shopping and waste money, and it will be beautiful.

The only reason why women are a mystery is because men are idiots.

People are going to tell you it’s not so bad.  Try very hard not to punch those people in the face.

Friendship is the greatest birthday gift you can expect from a cheap friend.