Humor Sentiments

Below are several examples of humor sentiments written primarily for greeting card, cartoons and jokes for various websites.

(All below pieces of writing are the property of Hallmark Cards, Inc.)

 

The right thing to say: Hey, I forgot to tell you your grandma called.  The wrong place to say it: Grandma’s Funeral.

 

What’s so great about a handmade gift?  If you want to impress me, make something with your feet.

 

Here’s Something I Learned The Hard Way:

If an interviewer requires a urine sample, he doesn’t mean right there in his office.

 

Question To Never Ask At A Job Interview:

“Where would you prefer I wipe this booger?”

You’re welcome.

 

I’m going off to find myself.  I’m pretty sure I’m in a bar somewhere.

 

When life gives you lemons, find me.  Life gives me vodka all the time.

 

I tried a cucumber mask, but the ranch dip really stung my eyes.

 

When I’m elected Mayor, there will be a parade on your birthday!  And the bars will flow with free beer!  And the economy will collapse!  And the infrastructure will crumble!  And the City Council will impeach me!  All on your birthday!  It’ll be awesome!

 

I know I don’t exercise as much as I should, but for a very good reason.  It sucks and I hate it. Hey! That’s two very good reasons!

 

I just read that the key to health for a man your age is to start a diet and exercise routine ten years ago.

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