Humor Sentiments

I know that, as my friend, you’d always be there for me.  Like if I ever needed a hug, or a loan, or a kidney, or a heart.  Not your liver. I’ve seen how you treat that thing.


All I need is you.  And coffee.  And my allergy medicine.  And my special pillow.  But mostly just you.


I miss you so much I’m totally unmotivated at work, I can’t get organized, and I hate my boss, which is a lot like when you were here.  But now I also miss you.


I’m pretty keyed up to help you, and I’ve watched a lot of karate movies, is all I’m saying.


You will never have to ask me if I have time to help you, or if I’d like another round, or if I’d like to see the dessert cart.  That’s just the kind of friend I am.


Mom, I have a very important question about raising my kids.  Can you please raise my kids? Seriously.  I’ll pay you a lot.


Don’t Shoot! I’m not a zombie!  I just haven’t had my coffee yet!


Oxygen will begin to flow for those passengers who pay a nominal fee.


Things to be proud of #25: I’ve never been swabbed for a DNA sample.


I’m a pacifist, so whoever’s bothering you is going to be shocked when I bring the pain.

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