I know that, as my friend, you’d always be there for me. Like if I ever needed a hug, or a loan, or a kidney, or a heart. Not your liver. I’ve seen how you treat that thing.
All I need is you. And coffee. And my allergy medicine. And my special pillow. But mostly just you.
I miss you so much I’m totally unmotivated at work, I can’t get organized, and I hate my boss, which is a lot like when you were here. But now I also miss you.
I’m pretty keyed up to help you, and I’ve watched a lot of karate movies, is all I’m saying.
You will never have to ask me if I have time to help you, or if I’d like another round, or if I’d like to see the dessert cart. That’s just the kind of friend I am.
Mom, I have a very important question about raising my kids. Can you please raise my kids? Seriously. I’ll pay you a lot.
Don’t Shoot! I’m not a zombie! I just haven’t had my coffee yet!
Oxygen will begin to flow for those passengers who pay a nominal fee.
Things to be proud of #25: I’ve never been swabbed for a DNA sample.
I’m a pacifist, so whoever’s bothering you is going to be shocked when I bring the pain.