News Headlines

  • The research vessel is still stuck in Antarctica, but they’re asking not to be rescued just yet because it’s warmer there than it is in most everywhere else today.
  • The African country of Malawi is trying to attract more tourists to is beautiful beaches and wildlife parks. Officials say it’s one of the safest countries to travel to in Africa, adding, “oh, you’ll likely be killed, but it’s not guaranteed like most everywhere else in Africa.”
  • NASA is annoyed with Beyonce. Apparently the intensity of her hotness is throwing off all sorts of thermal imaging satellites.
  • The press is trying to forecast the the Pope’s plans might be for 2014. So far, they’re thinking ‘hugs.’
  • Dennis Rodman is angrily defending his trip to North Korea, saying the people there were kind and welcoming. Reports may soon confirm that Rodman is just confused and really only went to North Carolina.

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