News Headlines

  • For the first time in almost 20 years, 160 countries agreed on a trade agreement that is estimated to boost the world economy by 1 trillion dollars. To give you an idea of how much money 1 trillion dollars really is, imagine if an apple was worth one hundred billion dollars. Then you’d have ten apples.
  • The current blast of winter weather has chilled cities as typically warm as Las Vegas, where people are struggling with the fact that all the women are all modestly bundled in clothing.
  • Prince Harry is trekking with a group of wounded war veterans in an attempt to reach the South Pole. The Prince is trying to bring attention to the wounded veterans, but really we all know it’s just another pathetic attempt for the Prince to try and finally get a girl to like him.
  • CNN reporters were granted access inside Japan’s damaged Fukushima nuclear power plant. They’re reports of progress, and their eyes, were glowing.
  • 85-year old U.S. citizen Merrill Newton was recently deported from North Korea and returned home. He said the thing he missed the most about the U.S. is the food. When reporters asked him which foods, he replied, “no, I missed the existence of actual food.”